Our Emotional Journey for Our Miracle Baby

Our journey to conceiving........... A true miracle

First let me say that no one knew our desire to become parents again or that we were looking into this.  It wasn't until after everything had taken place that we began sharing with others.  Most still don't know so now I'm sharing our long and emotionally draining journey in hopes that it will help others considering or going through this.  Ours is a success story with a blessing in the end, but not without much heartache and dead ends.  I won't go into everything because it's already going to be a novel, but I will deal with the highlights and some of the feelings and thoughts surrounding it.

Sometime after the birth of JD's daughter he underwent a Vasectomy.  By the time we were married he was about 7 years out from his surgery.  This had been a discussion prior to our engagement.  He knew that I wanted one more child and he confessed to wanting one as well, especially a little boy.  After some emotional discussions he agreed to look into having his surgery reversed.

One month after we were married we began looking for a surgeon.  JD went onto our Health Insurance website, found a surgeon and scheduled a consultation for the following month of April.  Four weeks was a long time with so many emotions and thoughts going through our minds.  We prayed for God to lead our path on this journey and that we would trust His Will for us as we go down it.  The day came for the appointment and we were both nervous and excited.  His appointment went well and we felt very encouraged by the surgeon.  Then, the hard news came.  This surgery was going to cost about $20k when it was all said and done.  My heart sank and I just wanted to run away without saying another word (that's my typical response when I'm upset).  We stayed in the office and declined scheduling the surgery until we had more time to discuss it.  We left the office, left Atlanta and made the hour trip home (almost in silence).  All I wanted to do was cry.  I remember telling him we would find a way and that I don't give up this easily. 

A couple of more weeks passed by and we both agreed it wasn't realistic to believe we could afford this and it wouldn't be fair to our children that are here now and need our support.  We continued praying together and dealing with many emotions.  Many nights I spent crying and leaning on my husband and God to get us through and to find a way.  There just had to be a way for this dream to be parents together to come true.  Two months pass by and we have started planning our family's summer vacation to the beach.  On a whim I decided to Google once again for another surgeon.  I said a prayer and typed in "cheap vasectomy reversal".  IT WORKED!  I actually found sites claiming this.  Now the skepticism sets in, but I check them out anyway.  The cheapest one I found was close to the top.  I clicked on it and couldn't believe my eyes!  $1700.00!!!!!  Okay, where is the gimmick?  As I read on I found his testament of how he is performing this so cheap as a Service to God because of his own personal conviction from having a Vasectomy himself; and his story of leaving a private group to be on his own to make it affordable for others.  I then began looking for all of the information and credentials I could find.  I found nothing negative and only more confirmation of his ability.  The real deciding factor in his ability was found in an online community with other women (and their husbands) going through this journey. I read an entire thread of hopeful and promising stories from his former patients as well as many pregnancies.

Now it is time to deliver the news to JD the skeptic.  He listened, but wasn't convinced.  We continued praying for a way, but this doctor always came back up.  Finally, we listened and knew this was the man that would perform the surgery.  We aren't always the best at listening and believing in what God shows us.  I mean, compared to every other doctor's price this guy is doing it for free.  The phone consultation was scheduled for the next month in June.

The weeks slowly passed and the day was finally here.  Well, JD received a phone call that he was needed for an interview just two hours prior to the anticipated phone consultation. Okay change of plans, but we will work through it.  His interview was at my location so after work I met him in the parking lot (I got off earlier) and I kept his phone while he went in.  One hour passed, then two hours passed and the phone call was minutes away.  No, no, no!  He's going to miss the call!  It will take another month just to have this opportunity again because Dr. Wilson's schedule is full!  The time came and went.  No phone call, no JD.  Then, I heard a knock on my door and there stood JD grinning.  He wanted to tell me about his great interview, but all I cared about was why hadn't the phone rang?  A little while later while sitting there wondering what was going on and listening to JD recount his interview............it rang and it was Dr. Wilson.  It was a typical consultation and everything we had already read online that it would be.  Whew!  What a relief!  Now the warm fuzziness can be felt all over and all is well.  God had showed us the way.  Wait a minute.  That was the easy part.  The hardest part is how to come up with about $2500.00 to make the trip.  "Where there's a will, there's a way" is what I reminded JD and myself of. I don't give up easily, right?  Right. 

I didn't just happen upon his website after praying that day for the road to just stop here.  Did I?  Weeks passed and money hadn't fallen out of the sky yet so it's time to make plans on how to get it.  I don't advise the avenues we exhausted seeing as how we have since gone through Financial Peace University and led a session of it.  However, it's in the past and we have no debt minus our house and my doctor bills.  Thank you Lord for your blessings on us!  The surgery is scheduled two months out with a small deposit giving us time to come up with the balance.  We cut it very close, but we got it.  Can't you hear the choir singing in in the background now?  The stress of the financial burden is over.  Now it is time to sit back and enjoy the ride. 

A few days prior the stress level between us is high and I threatened to cancel.  He told me not to and I followed his advice because doing so would have lost our deposit.  He admitted his fears, but pushed through them for us.  The day came and no one understood why we were traveling to Oklahoma.  Our kids and my parents searched online and found an auction out there and assumed we had considered relocating.  We told them JD had a "class" to attend and I was along for the ride. Oh, it was a class for sure.  We learned not to judge a book by its cover the minute we walked into the office the following morning.  I won't go into details, but our trip thus far had been a joke and we were feeling like every sign was a bad one.  Dr.  Wilson was 30 minutes late, but I had read he is known for that.  Still, we didn't feel good about this.  We walked in and saw his backwoods looking office.  It's a good thing we were prepared for this view or JD would have ran. About two hours later it is over and we are headed home with an 80% chance of the surgery working.  Only time will tell and possibly a year of waiting to know for sure.  Knowing this statistic we decide to go ahead and begin trying as soon as he is healed because in the end it may be two years or more before we are holding our sweet baby (if we ever do).

This is a very difficult surgery requiring much more skill than most surgeons have.  This is why it is important to find one specializing in Microsurgery as Dr. Wilson is.  Weeks pass, JD is slowly healing in secret and I am timing Ovulation for the fourth month.  So far it has worked like a charm so I had no doubt of knowing my fertile window.  WRONG!!!!  My cycle was close to 50 days.  Finally it came and I chalked it up to stress.  Okay, now I am at the time I should be seeing signs of fertility. My online calculator keeps changing my day of Ovulation and my stress level rises again.  We just keep trying and hoping we don't miss that window.  Halloween is here and after a long day I am tired and feeling discouraged.  We try again hoping today is it.  The next morning my calender changes again giving me multiple possible days and I just lose it. 

I keep charting and lo and behold a few days later Halloween pops up as my Ovulation day.  Now, I am worried because we gave up after that night and decided to move onto the next cycle.  Day 33 is here and I am waiting for my temperature to drop signalling I am not pregnant.  That day never came and now I am thinking I have a bladder infection so I drink up on the cranberry juice and take AZO.  While walking around the mall after our Financial Peace class that night I get light-headed and winded.  Uh, oh what is this and why do I feel so strange?  I stop JD and tell him we need some dollar store tests because I think we may have received our miracle a lot sooner than expected. We go home and I decided to test even though I knew it was early and not early morning (women understand this).  Disappointment and many tears came that night after taking the test.  I woke up the next morning and my temp was still above the normal so I slowly made my way to the bathroom and secretly tested again in hopes that the first morning specimen was the winner.  I left it on the floor and walked out to get back in the bed.  A few minutes passed.  I went back and looked.  Are my eyes playing tricks or do I see a faint line?  JD comes in and I quietly asked him to please look at this test.  He sees a line!!!!!  Emotions and tears of joy begin flowing, but I am still worried our eyes are bad so I take a picture and tweak it(play with the saturation where the line should be).  Yep, it is real.  Then, I post it on my online community of fellow TTC'ers (Trying To Conceive) and they also confirm. 

November 11, 2011 at 10 days past Ovulation we found out that the surgery was in fact a success and God had blessed us with the pregnancy we had prayed over for so many months.  It was a long road to this day and every day I spend with my sweet baby I realize how great God is and how I just need to put my trust in him and believe in his promises to us.  Our special baby is just as we hoped for and more, including that he was a boy.  Now we get to sit back and wait on our little miracle.  Easy, peasy.  Right?  WRONG!  The next nine months would prove to be the most difficult of my life.  I'll share that in another post when time allows. An 8 week old baby doesn't allow me to have much time spent sharing on here.

Our story is not typical in that pregnancy was achieved so fast.  However, it is a success story for Dr. Wilson and proof that miracles do exist.  Many couples go years waiting on their little blessing and for some reason God saw fit for us to have ours happen within 6 weeks of surgery.  The time frame given for possible conception is 3 to 4 months and up to a year before it's determined whether the surgery itself was a success or failure.  Then add that a woman may have problems of her own (like my Fibroids). So that just shows how blessed we truly are.